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Tanye Jer!

Date: Monday, June 29, 2009
Time: 6:32 PM
killing me softly...

Im unsure why im still here..the only thing i could sense is....there are people running after you...liking you...admiring you...wanting you...My inner sense never lie...it happens all the time...so i think it still working this time.. See me smile..i pretend that im blind, i pretend that im deaf in fact..i see,observe with my eyes shut...surprises dun you?

Every day,it feels like my heart is damaging badly and i cant fixed it back..not only that..each time im out with homies, my tears roll...i dun understand why...its killing me softly...im so half dead yet i dont care...

Issit wrong for me to wait or even to love someone who doesnt seems to even care, bother, thinks about me?Am i being an ass for hoping and think positively that things will be mended up soon? Haiz...i dun understand why im living this way..i love to much till my love is being thrown down the drain...u walked away and leave me drowning with tears and still i never hate you...im holding on to our promise and now im losing the grip...once again..im hurt by ur actions but u didnt realise...Im taking a step forward now allowing you to have ur move...and ill just watch you from the back...

Ya allah...jika ini kehendak mu..aku turuti..berilah aku ketenangan dan pertunjuk agar aku dpt jalani setiap ujian yang kau beri...Hancurnya hati ini hanya kau yg tau..namun aku akan tetap tabah hadapi semua ini...amin...


Hati ini hancur dan luluh kerana mu..
0have left cookies for me

Date: Sunday, June 28, 2009
Time: 10:52 PM
teu teu teu...!

COUGHING! COUGHING! COUGHING!


Im suffering a severe chest pain for the past 3 days...so painful till i cant sleep...haiz..am i dying or wat?but watever it is please before i die, i want to feel the real love in my life..Hurt my TAIL-BONE! damn..so painlah!Can go crazy wen i seat down or even lying down...arggghhhh!

I cant wait for 1st July, i need my cash for my shopping and also my car license..And 7th july ill go BOOM BOOM POW!! Didnt i tell you guys ive been consuming lots of lime juice for the past 1 week...i think my body and pee is so acidic now..!:( its okie...im controlling my diet now..thanks to mummy and mas who keep track my diet...mas,please ensure i only drink lime juice for the next 2 months..alrighty...?mummy will control my carbo and also remind me to run as much as possible!

Maybe it seems like everythings seems fine to me but only god knows how i lead my life without him now...so much harder...even before this wen im still with him, im lost without him by my side each time we had an arguement...but now...its worse...

BUT wateva it is! REMINDER:IM NOT DATING any one at all!!! Im so busy and i need more money to carry on with life...only god knows what i want and need now...what im praying for and hoping for..even though sometimes i have to tell myself its not gonna happen..so yar...its okie...maybe time will tell and heal this open wound slowly...


Hati membeku mengingatkan, kata janji manismu,ku dilambung angan-angan,belaian kasih sayang suci darimu, kejamnya.....
0have left cookies for me

Date: Friday, June 26, 2009
Time: 3:37 PM
before and after.....

Mas gave me this photo in class today...i didnt remember that mas took this photo of us before we are over...Looking at it, makes me wanna cry all over again...it weaken my heart...making me feel so weak..how am i gonna sleep in future..?even now its so hard for me to sleep...Sleepless nights...True enuff...aint no happiness in my smiles....he is the reason my smile is way so different..but.........let it be unsaid......:(

Selagi ada....cinta...

Telah kulakukan semuanya kasih
Telah kukorbankan segalanya
Namun ku sendiri tak pernah mengerti
Apa yang engkau fikirkan
Apa yang engkau inginkan

Ku tahu kau tak pernah setia (kasih)
Ku tahu diriku tak bererti
Namun ku sendiri tak pernah mengerti
Apa yang engkau fikirkan
Apa yang engkau inginkan

Selagi ada cinta di hatiku
Selagi ada rindu yang membara
Selagi air mata ini mengalir
Kau tetap di hati ini
Cintamu tetap di hati

Selagi ku mampu bertahan kekasih
Jangan sampai cinta tiada lagi
Jika memang cinta tiada lagi (kasih)
Tinggalkan aku sendiri...
Tinggalkan cintamu kasih...


Selagi ada cinta di hatiku
Selagi ada rindu yang membara
Selagi ku mampu bertahan kasih
Ku terima segalanya
Walau hatiku merana...


Setia kukorban....
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 1:25 AM
Anger...

For once i expect things shud be handled professionally and maturely back in class. Is that so hard? Mangkok ar! My day turn out to be the most suckiest day ever. Been asking myself this question, how am i gonna face this for the next 1 year?Ya allah...i can go bald after this semester..Seriously...!Having outdoor activities today out to woodlands town park for hiking. Damn! it was cool yet its been ruin! Goodness...Enduring....!!!! Thursday lesson USED to be the best module ever in my whole life in RP for the past 5 months, but now..i really hate this module..My interest forthe lesson went down to drain...haiz....NVMD! I will survive! I cant let myself repeat this whole module because of personal reasons. I wanna get out of RP really damn soon...


I let this tears shred again today..gently i wipe it with all the strength that i have currently..very little that's left but once again, i dun feel its gone..A soul say this to me today,"Siti, Aku tau..kau raser pedih,marah...i noe ure a strong girl, i know its hard, but you have to try..."Mas..thank you for all your support,encouragement...u know im really weak in love...so weak yet i never wanna give up...i dun noe why...U noe that i have no more happiness left..Cause my smile shows...i cant help it! For now i have to go through this pain slowly..my heart is numb...so numb now...


Superhuman heart beat is in me...what have you done to me with your love....?

Lelah hati ini meyakikanmu...

0have left cookies for me

Date: Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Time: 4:29 PM
for you...

To you......and you know who are you....

Kau membuat, ku berantakan.
Kau membuat, ku tak karuan.
Kau membuat, ku tak berdaya.
Kau menolak ku, acuhkan diri ku.
Bagaimana, caranya untuk,
Meruntuhkan, kerasnya hati mu.
Ku sadari, ku tak sempurna,
Ku tak seperti, yang kau inginkan.
Kau hancurkan aku dengan sikap mu,
Tak sadarkah kau telah menyakiti ku.
Lelah hati ini meyakinkan mu,
Cinta ini, membunuh ku......
Sincerely,
the broken heart girl....
0have left cookies for me

Date: Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Time: 2:38 PM
keep you....

"The tables have turned, and I've finally learned
That this is makin'-up for every day I was gone
And that's why I'm concerned, but now it's confirmed
That you spread your wings, and learned to fly all alone..."

"You're always on my mind,
While I'm out, while I'm paper chasin',
You were there when I said one day I get up out that basement
Playin as my agent, for you there's no replacement
You will always be my man, and you can hold me on that statement..."

I can feel the empty space beside me, i can sense my smile is faking...i felt eyes are dry from crying..pushing hard...harder each day...untill i felt i have no more strength...
Dear God, the only thing i ask of you is to hold him when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away, we all need that person who can be true to you and now i wish i'd stayed...now I'm lonely and I'm tired, I'm missing him again...once again...
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 12:35 AM
Andai ku tahu...

Had a good day today with my babies after climb today...felt much better with them occupying my lonesome..these babies can really make me laugh..hmm...Mummy loves you girls...wen i love i really love...no time for lies and hypocrites...You can rely on me for everything, but when im gone...im dead forever..when i cant forgive, till i die it remain unforgiven...
Went to climb today with my beloved baby,eraa..thank god i have her around else im lost..i felt awkward lah..dun noe y..maybe after the break up, everything simply change..true enough from this phrase "putus kasih, putus segala.....". But never i want things to be ended this way..But wat to do..he wants it...another phrase claims"Sering kali kau ungkapkan, ku turuti apa yg engkau hajati..." I give wat you want, but i never want to do all this things...


Did my runnings and other physical stuff..wow!my back hurt again but nah..IM STRONG! dont care anymore... Seems like i having good time maintaining myself now...I felt stupid sometimes...
I have my job, i have my earns, i have my friends, i have my interest, i have my family, i have my school, i have my homies..but why am i like this...? Complete, but yet im confuse...Dun noelah...i would to share my love, my earns, my care, my concern, my heart with the person i really2 love...its okie...now i have 2 adopted babies from RP...they will share my love now...to my homies..u guys too i really,really,really really loved...u guys touched me so much..Thank you for taking care of me and be there wen i need you guys most..despite rain or shine, u guys are there for me..especially my beloved laling bon2 and mas'b...

Need my rest now...having swimming tommorow and working as well....(YES! I DO WORK AFTER SCHOOL!!!) People have been asking me.."how can you handle your time with work, school and enjoy.." Its all time management...set ur priorities right..got to play ur game well..You want MONEY, PARTY, UPDATED WARDROBE, TOYS, get ur lazy ass off the seat and WORK, u wanna look cool and good? EARN hard for it...else u will have to depend on your parents for everything. And that's what i call not independent...Dun be lazy, yes common answer i receive.." malas arh, penat arh, nanti arh, tgh carik kerja arh..." Mcm2 alasan...One thing, i would like to share...nothing is impossible(adidas motto)... Take pride in every single thing you do...the reason you work must be good..if u work for the sake of earning money and to enjoy and to spend like shit, i tell you, you are insane... SAVE!!!!Learn to be, at least YOUNG ADULT! and YES! I have my savings with AIA.. proves that im saving! If i die, at least my mum and dad got to feel my hard earn money..:) Mas and me agree....DUIT BLEH CARIK, TAPI JANGAN LOKEK...thats our belief..i think im too generous sometimes...very bad...but im sincere...bare that in mind..:)

GO AWAY troubles....COME BACK love...
0have left cookies for me

Date: Sunday, June 21, 2009
Time: 10:06 PM
Im not the only one...

At last!!im back with my baby vaio...Didnt get to touch my lappy eversince on friday..and today is already sunday...gawd!Where have i been??Come let me bring you to my packed weekend schedule...I didnt went to school on friday just to have a longer break this weekend with my love ones...My friday were being schedule in two parts..morning with my daughters..eraa'b and syasya'b to sentosa with the boys from sengkang..hell i dun noe anyone from sengkang..Thanks to eraa..my circle of friends is growing..and i have a good time you guys..making me feel like home..Thanks my beautiful girls....mummy sayang sumernyer....MUACKS...




I make an early move to meet my homs!Its afiq birthday on sunday, so mas'b decided to have garden surprise party with the homs! So me and bon and din and lah met up earlier at admiralty park to set up the surprise party for the stooopit boy!It was a successful suprise thingy , we did it twice this time, first it was during my 5th moth anivesary and on friday its was afiq's birthday..I think we are good in this man! That's what i call LOVE...sacrificing without any limits..though sometimes, nothing come backs in return<3, But its okie...i wont ask for any returns...not even a single pence...all i know, my love is rare,exotic and exclusive...:)


Life is fair...but to me..i dun asked anything for return from ive done for a person that i really love..its ur sincerity, honesty and willingness that i ask for...and lastly..love me for who i am...im willing to grow and to learn with you...even if it takes a very long time for me to learn i will go all out..friday nite was a good night afterall..wen to sentosa to do some chilling with the RP goondoos..thanks to moorty who willingly to drive us around the entire island in his dad's grandis..lol!thanks alot damian...

I was out again yesterday for din's and lah's match at bedok persisi...nice match guys..after a year break, u guys controlled the arena again..Lah! Ur match was not ur best but doing well..and u did very well today for ur 2nd match...applause to you!lucky lyana came down to support..Din, ur first match was good, and that tall guy is totally not up for ur game, he walked over but u did quite well today for ur 2nd match..abit slacked..maybe due to ur injuries...sorry didnt manage to come early to ice ur swollen feet..i was busy with house chores..But i hope u do take care of ur wounds..air it over night...Im so soorry for those who is having relationship problems right now..so now i noe, im not the only one...there are more people out there having bigger problems than mine..Hopefully, things would be better after this...insya'allah..

For me... never said I’d lie in wait forever, if I died, we'd be together now, I can’t always just forget him, But he could try...i do hope he dun see me as a stranger...nothing is wrong, putting things back together if we could give a try...but nvmdlah...im giving HIM to decide wats good for us..ya allah, jika inilah dugaan yg harus aku lalui, kau bimbinglah hamba mu yang lemah dan yang lagi kerdil ini ke jalan yg kau redhai...amin....

Goodnight....

At the end of the world,or the last thing I see,you are never coming home...

0have left cookies for me

Date: Friday, June 19, 2009
Time: 2:26 AM
Not ABC....

Browsing through the photo albums of me and him..makes me really hard to wash things out of mind so easily...we went through so much yet..we are still this way...did some thoughts while i was having my break at work...How i wish things still can be analyse and weigh again...We have our mistakes..but still nothing is happening now...All the things we have done together..are all still fresh up in mind...The laugh, the arguements..So much....:'((
I cant be living in denial...i do miss him...and my heart is so weak to handle this...Im sorry...its hard...its really hard...but i have to carry on with life...all that left are the debris of our love with me...i will cherished it eventhough it left so little with me...Im picking up the debris, and keep it with me till dun noe wen..My morning was not as sunny as before, my night is not as bright as before...It looks the same...nothing change except rays from my dearest homies..mas and bon..:)..else...its all me...


Mas..as i mention to you...its hard...its very2 hard..cuz i really love him...and i noe you know...I sleep with tears and memories till i fall asleep..Every step i’m taking, every move i make,feels lost with no direction, my faith is shaking but i gotta keep trying to live...


Goodnight to you...goodnight mas and bon...
Goodnight my heart...goodnight my tears........


The struggles i’m facing,the chances i’m taking, sometimes might knock me down but no i’m not breaking...
0have left cookies for me

Date: Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Time: 9:47 AM
my world slows down...

Didnt really get the chance to update my blog yesterday night due to my eyes...i reached home at 2am last night from work..and im wondering how cum i reached home 30 mins later from my usual timing i reached home...Hmmm...kecoh arh...But still im working again today...adoi!tired....but im working with shah though..so i think its gonna be fast i believe....My mum was like waiting for me till i reached home, without any hegeh-sation i throw myself on my water feeling beddy....Hooooh! syiok!


School wasnt good to keep me occupy lately...everything and everywhere i go its him arh...haiyo....very hard....super hard....lucky i have mas'b and laling bon around to keep me company and never fail to keep me motivate to live my life..Thank you lukey, ur words of advice is much apreciated...lol!I love you too luke!

July pay is gonna make go CRAZY!!!Gst offset + hard earn money = PARTY PEOPLE!!! But why the end of the month sia guys?So like not gerek....but the most important thing is SB'HV chalet....wooohhhooooo......Im gonna be gone with the wind...Cant wait.....:)

Going climbing after school today...and then work...haiz....mati aku...smpi aku mls nk mkn....too much to think and also too much work need to be done..Pity my mum...still have to put her pirate eye cover to prevent her operated eye from sunlights...Kesian my mother...no worries mummy...u gonna be fine...Syg my mother yankee...<3

Fri, sat and sun..Making full use of this weekend for something good...:)




I can still hear my dearest heart crying...crying for what had happened to me...but i hope HE will finally spread some love to me from above...maybe the prince of mine is there...but he lost his way...Im so tired of being this way...so lost and not me...but maybe ader hikmah disebalik aper yg berlaku...i have to put up my patience...sabarlah aku...my phone will be my stinky pillow for now...hanya itu yg mampu aku lakukan...lihat dan kenang...:)


Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired, I'm missing you again,once again....

0have left cookies for me

Date: Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Time: 12:15 AM
expect ,unexpected...

Im so tired right nw..my body is half dead nw..my bck is aching all over..i dun noe y bt i hv to endure all the pain..ouch!! Im so nt in the mood in class n im nt doing much work today in class..firstly,im still in holiday mood mode so yar..im juz lazing ard in class uploading ntu ivp silat pics..gawd..so much photos..didnt realise till mas'b actually send me 4 email of all the photos..thank you b...

Congrats ITE! This year korg CHAMPION ehk...good2...u all deserve the title this year...Lucky u all got abg nana as coach...firstly, i always agree to Sendeng system...very straight forward and clean...Always keep their atheletes look smart and all geared up and ready to FIGHT! I use to be part of them but my mistake is to leave them when i know i shouldnt..I paitao tp grasio where i learn how to be better in my silat skills and expose myself more to the sports culture and society..thanks to mummy fizah once again..I will never forget ur kindness...Afiq...u did well on sunday...not to worry..tak pegang GOLD tk pasal yg penting kau dpt masok FINAL and VIP match lagi ehk..SO HEATY!! Good match bro!(Mas smpi nangis kau tau tk?hahaha!)..watch seni ganda from republic students...ya allah!! I miss those "gemilang" days..When i have to train almost everyday to remember every langkah that me and my partner(baby zaiton) create for our competition...Haiz..but my every effort is being paid off...GOLD!!GOLD!!SILVER!!BRONZE!!!Nk medal lagi...bleh? Feel like catching with the trainings again but i cant find myself time to train my skills...i have my laling climbing to focus on too...2 passion...seni'ing and climbing...soon ill find ways to have 2 things in one body...





Tommorow is already tuesday..got swimming lesson sum more....after swimming...i go work..
Haiz....im gonna do this cycle till im sick and tired of it...But i feel better this way..earn as much as i could...Anyways..here i am still standing strong with all the thing that fall on me for the past 2 weeks...
Ya allah..bukalah pintu hatinya....pintaku...

Aku sungguh masih syg padamu....
0have left cookies for me

Date: Sunday, June 14, 2009
Time: 11:09 PM
shoot me and die...

My tears run down my cheeks....staring at the wall asking myself...where am i?


Kenape hati manusia cepat berubah?
Semalam ckp syg....esok ckp benci.....


Nothing changes my heart....seriously...it cant be change...only HE knows how much i tried..but i cant...Im broken plus im not strong enough........
tell me if I LOVE HIM SO!!!
im half dead..i noe it very well...


Aku cuba untuk mendekati, tapi engakau tiada peduli..tulus nya niat di hati mungkin engkau tersalah erti...
0have left cookies for me

Date: Saturday, June 13, 2009
Time: 10:06 PM
Fake it....

Went down to Sp this morning to support the girls who actually climb for Rockmaster today...Luckily, i wasnt involve in Rockmaster cuz the route was damn terrible for me...CONFIRM tk bleh make it so...save duit aku...experience memang experience but lau tk dpt final buang duit...sudahlah...still got to train more for more comps...tk mo tergesa2lah...nothing to look forward now...:( Didnt stay for intermidiate man catergory cause, i dun see the need of me being there and i noe someone might not even want to see me there...But that didnt stop me to keep on motivating that person..maybe his doing well for his climbing today...hopefully...


Big project dah settle...but i guess nothing turns out good and there goes my hardwork...splat,splish kebabom!meletop! Berkecai, hancor..punah ranah...What can i say...?Like my mum say to me "lau die tk npk mummy tk bleh ckp pape...kau dah buat terlalu byk...cume satu mummy nak, kau kene kuat semangat...itu jer" I broke down in front of my mum before i left home to mit khai..No worries mum...i love you lots..Left from hougang to meet syasya'b and eraa'b....gawd!u girls are makes me laugh and smile...but syasya'b..u really observe me well..true enough...from the way i speak, smile and laugh there is something that im thinking of behind my head...yeah!u got me...but nah..no worries...to the two of you...i love you girls...always keep me company...




Nk uat aper ehk besoooookkkk??hmmmmm........still wondering......ouh yar!besok sayer berkerja diwaktu pagi nyer....so nk kene rehat....


Cause im broken when im open, and I don't feel like i am strong enough...
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 3:02 AM

Tried hard, very hard, super hard and lastly, extremely beyond my limits....

If you still cant see it then nevermindlah....let my this broken heart take its path now....


Kuhayunkan langkah kaki, meraih cinta yang suci, moga ada insan yang luhur... sehati...
0have left cookies for me

Date: Thursday, June 11, 2009
Time: 2:03 PM
Confused....

APE YANG AKU LALUI KALI INI SUNGGUH MEMENINGKAN AKU...



YG PENTING SAPER2 YG SAKIT HATI PADA WAKTU INI...HARAP BYK2 BERSABAR YER....

My point of view...everyone have their own weaknesses and strength..when you need do something to change and makes things better...do it...nothings its too late...never say its too late...when u do make changes...everything will change...if u want things to be better take up the challenge and change...u give urself a chance to change, u realise that u will learn alot of things...

Chromeboy dah kuarkan RXZ sey...suker ehk awak...tolong bawak tu dgn cermat...jgn bwk mcm org giler...taulah rempit but still nyawa tu tolong ambil perhatian yer... Not bad uh ur bike...looks clean...besok2 sayer tgk dah jadi lain pulak nanti...work hard for your installment...jgn abaikan skola...skola,skola...kerja,kerja...motor,motor...k...?


besok sayer ader project..sayer nk buat benda bodoh tapi ini mungkin akan buat sayer lebih tenang selepas ini...huahuahua...maybe ill just keep it to myself now...something that ive never done before...never in my life...all out arh besok...after that im miting syasya'b for her job interview den ill be back at holland for work...hmmm...super shagged tommorow....


Dapatkah aku...berbalas dgn airmata....
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 2:05 AM
Pain.....lah......


I hate to work when i know the next morning opening the store gonna have store audit...There i go, with my bitches of holland village scrubing and wiping the whole entire store looking squiky clean like kepala botak apek hantar suratkhabar pat umah aku...hahaha...!And yar...i think i forgot to clean my big monster turbochef today...lol! sorry opening manager besok..maaf yer...Suddenly i felt the adrealine rush at work today...every cup of coffee made by me is with passion and love...i think im back in action after my long lost self at work...mampos korg...setting my standards back...and ill make sure ill scream at you if you dirty my hard work...!im keeping too quiet...now see the gorillamonkeychimpanzee woman nag!


Mas and afiq drop by just now to have a cup of coffee after their movie just now and usual, afiq have his venti hot chocolate and mas will be her oreo cheesecakey..hahaha...i remember ur favorites in starbucks liao guys...I miss doing/ordering raspberry,add caramel drizzles below the cup chocolate cream chip frappucino blended cream for sumone...non coffee drinker...

My dear mum is going for her eye operation tommorow..i noe she worried about it but im more worried sick about her high blood pressure..Hopefully, thing goes smoothly and no problem..I wanna be by her side during the operation..i wanna see wat are the surgeons goona do to her eyes...surgeons..please be gently with my mum's eyes please...I think sooner or later ill be ended up in the hospital soon..firstly, brain damage followed by heart disorder then poor vision lastly mute! hahaha....!imagine...hahaha! my throat is very2 sore right now..ive no idea why but ive no appetite to eat and i can feel sharp pain in the throat each time i swallow my saliva...i think i swallow all the pains end up this is wat happen tk?hehehehe...but seriously..i cant eat at all...suckz!but its okie...baiklah nanti...

Whoever out there who is suffering from any injuries and sickness..DO SOMETHING about it..dun wait till its not curable at all...go DO some massages or go to the doctor if ure sick...I noe im a missy to some people but if im not around do remember...ill still share some things to make sure ure okie...yang demam, sila amik panadol dan tido... yang mabok dari joli, sila minum air lime/orange juice untuk hilangkan loyar di tekak, yg kaki tangan yg tgh nk tercabot sila amik lebih perhatian, tolong urut dgn cermat dan jgn salah urat...dan yg sakit pinggang mcm sayer nie sila rest on your stomach and ask sumone to massage ur back downwards slowly...insyallah..korg akan baik dgn masa yg singkat yer.. Org yg sakit cinta...sila bercinta dgn berhati2...org yg sakit hati...sila BUNUH DIRI..terima kasih!hhahahaha....

I've learned the hard way, to earn what i really want...

0have left cookies for me

Date: Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Time: 2:59 AM
Hatred now...

YOU can HATE me DESPISE OF YOR ENTIRE LIFE...
But you will realise that ...I WILL NEVER, EVER HATE YOU!


Do whatever you wanna do make you feel satisfy from your anger...


Sentosa was fun just now..climb republic! i still love you guys no matter wat...im soorrry for my early leave cuz i need to find money to support my expenses...and i did tanning just...WOW!! awesome...i want my latina babes skin texture again..hhhhoooohhooooo!...might be going tanning again on thurs...so yar...love the beach and sands...and the sand and the beach who hears my heart crying..


Starting my personal physical training again.. Leg and abs training and also my cardiovascular training..My goals to nurul as i mention on love comm board..i will be like how they want me to be,very soon...watch me shrink babez...!AND!! ezul came over to visit me while i was working just now for a cup of coffee just now...nice of you, awak..hahaha....


I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change...
0have left cookies for me

Date: Monday, June 8, 2009
Time: 1:33 AM
Hit and run...

Really had a good day today..after the long memoriable queue i had for Singapore idol on saturday morning...Thank you benny boo for the acompany...INILAH TEMAN!!hahaha...ill treat u something yar...real soon....Met a few new friends during the queue and i could see alot of local talents...Some can really sing and makes my hair stand, some sang like mother chucker...Weird lah this people...but seriously it was a great new experience for me... The day i had with the 5 idols friends was really damn good...hmmm....wasted...i didnt go for my audition cause i overslept due to midnight movie with clinique and also lepak with bon2, masturina and rizman...
Aduh...reach home hm like 4 am...my eyes can hardly open when i reached home...I woke up at 11 and my audition is at 11am..mati lah...but nvmd...i have a better day today.....

Went NTU to watch IVP silat competition with odeng, lah, jamyl, clinique and mas...BON BASTARD!!!tido mampos!But tkper, is still have fun....i felt back at home though...never felt much2 better before this...Looking at the faces that ive been going through during my hard days in silat makes me feel strong again...Watched afew matches today and the feeling of fighting is back in me...the adrealine rush is dashing in ly soul now...huhuhuuhuu.....! Met wit the old folks and gangs...coaches and trainers...BUT the best is ZULFAKAR!! the apple of my eye!! As tall as ever, as cute as ever, as strong as ever(maybe), as cool as ever and lastly..he smiled! suddenly everyone turn out to be single...hahaha...sumer kecoh arh...had a god chat and laugh with all the old folks..They are still the best and giler nyer berokz2...perangai satu2 tk ubah...masih perangai ITE masih perangai fighter jugak...i miss them truck loads...

After watching the matches, all of us went for dinner and had a coffee for dessert by me..:-) Talking about fights, bikes, love and everything..It was so nice afterall...i laugh alot and i think alot too today...but yet i cant say much things..i dun like to say much...Thank you to all my ex ITE'ans fighter...we all share the same interest and passion...fight and never proud...menang kalah adat pertandingan..kiter tkmo riak walaupon kiter bagus...keep it low...My tears fall when i met you guys...the trainings and lepak session we had can never be forgotten..susah senang kite go all out!

Lastly....Thank you saifullah for the body massage...sampai senget kau urut bdn aku...Thank you mas for the talk...your encouragement and motivation will stay rocking in my heart..Thank you bon..for the great acompany from morning till end of the queue.....Thank you faizul for the smile and had a good chat with you just now....teu teu teu..:)
This phrase still mingling in my ears..."I used to appreciate you"...It hurts alot...but i always believe in kesabaran...biar org buat kiter,kiter jgn uat org..Tuhan npk segala ape yg kiter lakukan...Jadi sabarlah siti....the stronger i am the longer im standing...

love is difficult, but it's real ...
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Date: Saturday, June 6, 2009
Time: 12:02 AM
Dont run....stop!

Had a good chat with ajid and clinique today...I was in holland wen i heard that ajid is having problems with his tunang...so clinique ask me whether i wanna join in the meet up with ajid while i was having my dinner in store.. So clinique pick me up from store and meet up with ajid at jp...Ajid really look so stress and seems like he is giving up with the fiance..

You made up ur decision to be attached to her and u choose her to settle down in your heart...Why now u wanna think about giving up?Bullshit lah you...You noe u made your mistake but still u dun wanna admit...u push everything to her...come on...she's not a dump waste noe bro...Aku campak kau pat bedok resevoir ru kau tau...carik pasal arh diknie...Nk tunang mcm org giler, nk putus mcm org tkde otak...mane otak pergi? Tkmo egolah...good enough she never fight back when she noe its ur fault but she take up ur blame...ehk...tk phm arh jid...

Piece of my mind....while you still have the opportunity to love and you know you really love her..appreciate her while you can...once you noe the person who really love you really walkaway..den u start to think..Some people will say.."i wont regret.."but u got to remember...u will regret if you noe the person that really loves you comes in front of your door once and leave for good...Even if there is another chance in your life, the experience will be different...cause every human is different...den u realise everything is too late...what bothers me is that,why, when a person creates a happy path for you, you decided to take another path? Remember this...nothing comes in your life easily and dont treat things so easy...


Im so nervous right now...another day for me tommorow...hope its gonna be a better day...Jebon jugak bleh harap....im always there for people's up and down...but when comes to me...ill have to face everything alone...haiz....but i believe thats the reason im strong...ill face challenges alone...Thank you hafiz...eventhough ive only known you for a month, ure a great friend indeed...See you tommorow hafiz and clinique...



Love is so blind, it feels right when it's wrong...
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Date: Friday, June 5, 2009
Time: 1:55 AM
Feelings....

Im wondering...isit possible if i can sleep with my eyes open??I hate sleeping now...i just dont know why but i pretty hate falling asleep now...Its like each time i close my two little eyes, all the memories i had with him,dashing across my eyes...I after a while i didnt realise that there are tears in my eyes...Im so much in love but im not sure if im being love as much i love this guy here....What ive done for him so much more than i could do to others...Making him the happiest man and making proud is my goal each time i meet him...Wanna see his smile and his voice...singing all his heart out...I cant deny i still feel his love in my heart...but im unsure if it is for real...ill let HIM decide how this feeling leading me to...
I was taking my walk down to marina barrage today before work, still thinking about what had happened between us...what when wrong and what can actually be done to make things better....I believe, its us...its just us that can decide what can be done to make it better...no one else...But what im thinking here right now also brings to point....Its just to sad to say..so let it be left unsaid...What i went through now, i will just swallowed it slowly...even though its hard but i will go through it slowly...
SBHV!!!whats wrong with you people....where is the love guys???where is the maturity level we set for ourself??Why are you guys dealing things more like a small kid rather like an adult?Come on...how many times i have to repeat this?Nobody is perfect....small things dont have to make it so big...at the end of the day all of us got into a fight then start to be enemy...den start to be strangers...ape nie?First thing first dun be too proud of the abilty you have cuz u never know there is someone better than you...relax arh...tkmo bangga...chill....
I wanna go shoppin'.......shop and shop...........i dun care anymore...OUH yar....im a saver now...huhuhu....life is much beautiful...thanks mum and dad for teaching me how to be independent and stand on my two cutie feets...Bigger plans now....


Talking about stuff...i was browsing through a bike page a couple mins ago and i think DRZ 400 SM is a monster machine...Look at the machine you will go like "GRrrrrrr", but when you hear the sound of the machine you go like "Hoooohooooooo!" Super gawd damn hot lah!But KTM 4 is quite a monster too...but when you look at the machine price i think boys out there will go bankrupt paying for the machine...EXPENSIVE ARH!!! I think DRZ SM 400 is good enough for guys who are moderate in income and having a stable job....play the machine well guys...you know how to ride the machine you look awesome...
Babes out there....go for cars...mitshubishi colt turbo is awesome!!!!!!!
I want this car and never gonna change my mind....baby coltybo...
Make believe that you don't see the tears,Just let me grieve in private ,
Cause each time I see you I break down and cry...
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Date: Thursday, June 4, 2009
Time: 1:14 AM
The blue day....

I just got home now and i finally got sometime of my own...Did some thoughts while i did my walk today...asking..."why do people love?" i believe there are thousands of answer from different individuals...
What does love means to me?

Love is something special that HE created for every human being living in this world..Its the purest thing ever in every inviduals life..It is with us everywhere we go...But loving isnt only loving someone but also loving for what we are doing...
I love to love and so does everyone else..But why do people still abuse love HE created for us?Why do people still take love for granted?Why do people take love so easy in life?
To me, loving someone is not only loving the person externally but loving the person internally and externally...Loving is all about taking up the risk. When i love..i took up every risk..In love..nothing is perfect cuz the best part of love is when you manage to love the person who is imperfect..When we learn how to love other imperfections, you realise that the imperfections of that person is the beautiful thing that the person has...Two people fall in love and stay in love and it's not bcoz of perfection, but each other imperfections that both party learn to love.. Love the things we are doing..when u noe how to share your love, that shows that ure loving that person trufully with ur heart...Cuz before sharing ur love, u own urself a whole love by urself but once u share it with someone else, ure sharing half of ur love with the person that you love...Love comes from your heart..and when u started sharing ur heart, u will have the tendency to lose half of ur heart to someone really special...
Love is easy but human make it so hard to love trufully...
Love is not a shirt..you can wear it today and take it off tommorow...
You cant love today and by tommorow u say..ooppsss i cant love...
If u decided to love someone and you noe u cant do it...
Give urself the chance to take the chance to learn how to love with that person..
You will never know it will create wonders...

Jera....
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Date: Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Time: 2:28 AM
Tragedi June...

Gawd...had a looooonnnnngggg day today...im very sleepy right now but i know i have to post something here today...What i went through today and tonight is really something shocking for me but i can only observe and keep things in my heart...
I realise what ive done to a person really create something out of the person life..be it a friend or even my family...Being there through their up and downs...giving them my warmest helping hand but yet im still not being appreciated...Im always being placed at the bottom of everything..But still i never wanna be on top of anything....


Kabir and Ajid...
(my two beloved swan brothers..)
I never wanna be like this...never i wanna lead my life this way...i changed due to certain things that path my way...im controlling it and no worries cuz i noe i have my limits...Ill come back...come back again the person whom you know all this while....Kabir..thank you for being a great brother to me...i know its hard for you being the center person from any problems that ure facing...been there and done that...Ill always be the lil sister that u know and forever be...

Offshore Sailors...
Please...take care of urself guys...2 months is really a very long period of time...All i ask is you guys go in one piece,come back in one piece...and please dun came back with penyakit babi please...come back with many2 money k?Korg alik dgn penyakit aku letak korg pat kandang babi nanti...
What had happened today is a learning tool for me to proceed with my life..im not myself..i m not sure who am i now...loving people but yet people doesnt know how to love me how it should be...Maybe..im just being way too kind and too nice...but i cant help on that...That is just me...and thats my weakness, i cant change that..."siti, kau strong arh ehk"Ive been hearing this phrase almost everytime i have problems....I have to be strong...cuz tts the only strength that i have to face every problem occurs in my life...But still...nothing could bring back the smile i used to have and carved on my face...i will accept everything...but i will never give up...


Jujurkah Kata belaimu Atau Hanya Menghirburku,Apa yang ku Harapkan..
cinta sebenar cinta...


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Date: Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Time: 2:21 AM
Patience...

The words you have said to me and in front of others are just making me realise..u dont appreciate me for what ive done for you.. Ive done so much, is this how you give me back in return...?never i ask you for your money, never i ask you to be a spender to me..but why did you see me like im just a piece of paper to you?

YES!True u dont need me to spend on you or anything..all you need is me to understand you, and yes i did understand you untill i dont see that ure trying hard to even understand me. If you say u love me, u dun put things so harsh and u dont even realise that u are hurting me..I am mean, but not to the extend making people feel like a piece of paper...
Here i am, trying to make you the happiest person but there u are, dun seem to see all the things ive done for you all this while.... "i used to appreciate you"..Thank you so much..but i sense u dun even appreciate me at all...not even a single appreciation...

My heart is broken into pieces right now...so even hard to pick up the pieces now...Ill just let the pieces be right now..Thank you for breaking my heart this much....even if u dun even bother wats happening right now, its ur freedom of choice..I dun mind what you have to say or even think about me because i know, ive done my part..Im fine if you dun even realise it.. cuz to you it means nothing at all...Im just another piece of artwork in your gallery...

You know need to watch the way you talkin' to me you know
I mean after all the things that we've been through
I mean after all the things we got into..
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