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Tanye Jer!

Date: Sunday, July 26, 2009
Time: 7:25 PM
Should i or shouldnt i.....?


10 times you deny about it, 10 times i will say RUBBISH to you!Should i say you are lying to urself for all this while?i think i should...here i am climbing hard...really hard...but wat did i get back in results? all this nonsense cock things...dont have to go around the bushes and making people go round and round with your behaviour..See for yourself, who is making you round and round? isnt it you yourself? Wake up...seriously...yeah true enough im old...(im only 22 years old.!)but look into my eyes, do you think i dun understand you enough? haiz...till today, till this time...where are you?out there missing someone else maybe?haiz...:(

I noe many people out there think im so wateva..but i noe wat im doing...seriously...if other people can arh walk off and moved on with life so easily.. from my opinion the reason they moved on easily is because to them this part of enjoyment..but me..hell no....if im unsure what i want, that wat the hell i hold on to things at the very first...?haiyo!!!pening arg kepala otak aku yg dah nk mati nie!(ouh yar..someone call me otak mati..:)) its okie..you can never wanna hear my penjelasan..i accept it...:)

Now..the whole point here is..do i deserve to be like this after all ive heard over the past 2 months? Is he serious?or is he just treat this as a norm? have i wasted my time, strength,energy for our relationship? can he remember,every single thing ive sacrifice for him?DID HE?? haiz...Nobody noe arh..seriously...if i would to share...it wont come to an end...all i have to do now is to keep on smilling and keep my cool...tell me lah...should i forgive or shouldnt i? way too much....very very very much hurtful.... if i could scream at you now i would scream directly at your face..haiz...

Havent i love you enough?Havent i give you enough? why issit me that will not get the chance to love you again...?isnt it suppose to be me saying that to you?stop spinning your own head with your behaviour...take a chance, make a change...

I shall take a slow pace...once again..thanks to my dearest friends...i didnt realise that ive been picking up myself so much till today...i will carry on picking every pieces that's left for me...i will pick it up...then i will decide, should i just throw it away and treat it as rubbish or should i keep it in my heart...
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Date: Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Time: 2:06 PM
Too much things now...


Where shall i start??

Didnt do much things last weekend besides spend good time catching things up with sb hv family on friday. Listen to all their sighing and complaining before Jason came over to our chalet at night. ..never ending problems...thank you for the never ending advices and giving me the best solution to solve things one at a time. Saturday, another day with the homies to Ubin for cycling...gawd! trying i shud say...but fun and also keeping ourselves fit and away from all the usual lepaks we usually do...hahaha..!at last something new...Sunday, was Lala and Mimie's wedding, went for their wedding and head back home...maybe im too tired from the cycling event at ubin...


Ive been very2 busy lately...busy with work juggling my time with friends in school, work, family, my physical training and all..im stress...im down suffering some awkward feeling in me...im trying hard to avoid all this awkward feelings..Fatin ask me why ive not been climbing, the answer and reason is very clear...firstly, because of him and the next thing is my working commitment...i wish things dun happen for the past 2 months..wish he dun go and layan and tell me wats going on,wish i dun scold him...wish the break up didnt happen..maybe i shall stay for climbing...i dun climb because of him..firstly, let me clear this up...ive always wanted to climb ever since im in ITE Mcpherson..I did overcome alot of things ever since i step my feet into Climb!Republic..but now everything seems awkward and change...Somehow, im not anymore in the team...dun noe why but i felt tt way...but i continue to smile..thanks to people who actually still wants me to climb..Thank you fatin and aidil...I will take to consider again...with my problems im carrying right now, i think i need to prioritize my needs..I need cash to clear my due bills in 3 months..so yar..maybe after this 3 months of hectic schedules i will climb again...



Maybe people might ask around...siti busy kerja?ader time pulak kuar dgn the homies..dgn budak climb tk nk kuar.. Let me say this, its very difficult to face someone you ever love with, use to have the same interest as you, same class as you and used to be very close to you...He's just like ur homie, lover and a friend...i walk off from the climbers just to make him comfortable..I love the climbers...but im so sorry that i cant be there wen we both have to sit with you guys...i noe where i stand in the team...I dun want this to happen...but im truly sorry climb!republic...



Im healing myself with my own way...i believe this hurt wont last long...it will heal in awhile..holding on to this broken till its truly cure...I will still remember you in my prays and i hope ure always find and smile all the time...




Rocky Life...
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Date: Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Time: 7:30 PM
Time is running out..

Where shall i start?
Aite..been busy lately with friends and work especially.
Been working lots of shift this few days just to pay up may 1500++ bill!
Gawd!troublesome...but yar...i did look for another part time job currently and luckily have lots of contact and see..rezeki dimana2..time is running out so fast and i believe its a good time for me to occupy myself with better things to do...
Im at work now, waiting for to clock in for shift. For goodness sake..im working closing till Thurs with sheena loo...haiz..but its okie...i will enjoy my fri nite with my SBHV family at east coast for the store chalet and i guess ill be meeting ayim mok at tampines do some a little catching up with him and so then ill proceed to east coast chalet!!yeay!! Saturday morning will be a cycling day out with the homies to ubin..LOL...so much things to do...hope ill pick up myself faster each day...Sunday will be my buddy camilla and mimie wedding..i shall come and be there for their prestiges wedding reception...BLACK for me on that day...!

Have i given up?
No answer for that...cant tell right now...maybe im not gonna show any expression or wateva..Maybe it will show somehow or rather..just stay tune...I can still feel the existance of him in my heart..but wen i try to feel it, its like so far away...


Part of the list
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Date: Monday, July 13, 2009
Time: 12:17 AM
can i be like you....?

Ure so damn beautiful..u make me stare at you..smile watching you showing off ur beautiful vibrant colours..The popping sound of explosion touches my heart each time it burst...spreading your shining lines on top of me and make me tears...

Hey you up there...u make me love you...you make me see the most beautiful thing i ever experience the first time i saw you...can i be like you..?be up there, bursting my glaring lines to others down there and showed them what i've got to show...

I wish i could touch you...i would love to touch you and feel your beautiful lines and even its gonna hurt me, i dun mind dear...where ever you are, ill be there...ill stay just to see you..Thank you for the experience you have created for me...from the day i first saw you till last time i saw you...ure still beautiful as ever...eventhough u look the same to others but not me...

My gorgeous fireworks...i will see you soon...i will wait for you all by myself till u show me ur beautiful lines...i will watch you from down below...i promise...




Can i touch you?
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Date: Thursday, July 9, 2009
Time: 11:45 PM
past and present

Class wasnt that bad today, no one should be bored for thursday moduke but i could see half of the class is dead coz there's no more outdoor learning activity nimore...:( So now back in class for more theory application. Benci!:\


I lost my mood half way through my day today...i totally shut my mind off from everything till something happens and flashback in my mind..so sad..things werent like this before...Sekali this song come across my mind wen Mas let me listen to it one month ago..this part is my favourite part...

"Siapa yang sedang kau sayang
Siapa yang sedang kau buru
Berterus teranglah dari kau terus menyiksaku"


Yeah...hu do u love?Hu are you chasing after?...do i really exist in ur eyes and heart before this for the past 6 months?or am i just a illusion? im unsure wats ur answer gonna be like but i can feel that im totally just another girl that u fall for like in ur past...very sad...but i have to put this through..Once again, i tears...this time, i tears in silence...i walk out and and can feel my heart flew away...im drowning...gasping for air underneath the water, my hands are waving for help but yet i sense no touch....the current is pulling me down...im fighting against it...i dun wanna get drown or being drifted away....


I miss you but i noe i miss the ghost of you....i never regret loving you, my mistakes done to you, spending time with you, what happen to me and you but i regret why its hard for you to soften ur heart and u dun realise that you are hurting me with ur attitude...wat did i do so wrong till i deserve to be hurt like this...:(


Should i gotta let it burn?
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Date: Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Time: 2:12 PM
Worth?

I look as if i was having a good time all this while but yet nobody noes what actually happen to me so far till now...have anyone ask me...how am i?afew, yes!they did ask how am i...and when you ask then you will know the answer...you think its fun leading this kind of miserable and lonely life?wanna try?its not nice being penalyse for things that can be resolve and heartlessly no chances being given to make things right...after the hardest fall i had, i fall again...and now it only makes me broken...

Simply...do u think is nice to go out with your homies to the places that remind you and ur love before this and u cried the whole night long flashing back the memories? Do u think its nice when the phone beeps its him that u expecting the col/msgs from? does it hurt you wen you know, u think of him/her but you noe he/doesnt even care about you? Do u think its nice to have this kind of hit and run ending?Wanna try to be in my shoes? I bet you guys wont want to...its painful..too painful to even hear things that make me lose my stand to wait...


hey you...you push me away and part my heart, you make go weak each day, cause me to go insane wen im all alone...can you see that ure hurting me with ur behaviour?u dun realise that ure making me broken with the actions you potray to me? U dun even care that ure killing me...what is this supposed to mean? does it even worth my waiting time?



They're all part of the listthings that I miss things like your funny little laugh or the way you smile or the way we kiss...

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Date: Sunday, July 5, 2009
Time: 8:20 PM
Incomplete Weekend...

Whoooaaahhhh huuuu.....how should i describe my this weekend? It was awesome!great!happening!funny!tired!shagged!



LOL!!..Lets start the ball rolling from friday onwards...leave class early just to go shoppin' with patin and mas down in town..Looking for dresses and tops for school and party later at night..Walk down from Zara liat towers all the way to wisma den to shaw towers, to pacific plaza and last but not least far east.. Its all because of me the Mummy Diva..!hahaha..hu else..Nothing seems to catch my attention..Dresses looks like nyonya dresses...with lots of detail, too baggy...to tight...nah...not my flava...so i did bought a couple of things..Forever 21 blue ruffle top and Volcom dress for the party that night...LOL!Funny...reached home around 8pm, meetin' the homies at 9...and it took me 1 hr to set myself up for party so wat i actually do is, i call damian up to send me and Jbon to DBLO..i was early!haahhaaa...all geared up to PARRRRTTTTYYYYY...It was a great night indeed..Dancing all night long and as usual...sumer jadi tk btol after parrttyyy...biaserrr.....didnt spend much in the club that night...so i spend on the entrance and cab fare...chiillll perrr....:)


Nothing much happen on Saturday..woke up late for my FTP( Final theory practice). I missed 1 practice and i flung my FTE(Final theory evaluation) jus by ONE FREAKING MARK!!!!! Tibai btol...:\ One mark ley! den i never study sum more..adoi...nvmd...tmrow ill be going for the practice and evaluation again before heading off to work...After the failure thingy:(, i visit my dearest lovely plumpy sister at her cribz..catch up somethings with her about me and him..wat else right? Didnt expect that she offered to speak to him about us.. But i STOPPED her! I dun want, need and like...simple..let me handle this problem myself...After the catching up thingy i went to get my hair done..Did some coloring and hylight...Fuuuh! everything for just 60 bucks..worth isnt it...but looks like the one i did my hair at my usual saloon is better than this saloon..nah..im fine with it...i jus wanna make myself look better with some coloring...else i look dead...met up with the homies again at down town, we planned to watch dvd at Cine but everything cancel.. we head up to marina barrage..The view at night is much more romantic and calm...I love calm surroundings to have a good chat with my love ones..start the ball rollings about US and then lead to individual issues, resolves any matters that needed to be resolves...haiz..but im unsure wen will i actually can bring that person that i really look forward for everyday and night to that place and to have a good chat...


Im home now..flashing back my weekends today, i still feel imcomplete without you...i just dun noe y but maybe i still hold on to your love..i cant afford to let it go but i wonder am i being selfish?Some ask me to let go, some encourage me to stay and wait...wat does my heart says?I think most people shud noe wats is in my heart...i shall not mention anything...all i can do now is PATIENCE..

I believe that only someone who loves you truly will stay and hold on to you.. They'll be the ones whom hold on strong to you and brings you the right path.. In other words, they make you a better person n thus omit the imperfection in his eyes...im still waiting..and keep on waiting...even if its gonna bleed me to death....baby come to back me...:((






Sesungguh nya kau ku sanjung tinggi....bererti hanya kau di hati ini...
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Date: Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Time: 11:29 PM
lalalalala....!

Im sick yet im out from my cribz for karaoke with the usuals babi...3 hours of shouting and im deaf after the singing session...
BOLEH GILER ARH....!


My weekend plans..
Friday 3rd:

DBLO JIM BEAM ALL STAR HIP HOP DANCE COMPETITON- GRAND FINALS
(supporting my friend dance crew in the finals then we off for JOGET!arh...)


Saturday 4th:

Family picnic (im not sure if i can attend)
FTT practice and Evaluation (Till 3pm, hopefully i pass!)
Luge Race and photo shooting with the usuals babi and clans (4pm, sempat ke aku nie??)


Sunday 5th:

Working 9am- 2pm(Opening shift)
after 2pm??( lepak in store mkn, talk cock and go home)


SEE my weekends is all booked! if im still attached..the sunday i will spend the most precious time with him, having lunch/dinner...shoppin'/window shoppin for new outfit...sharing session jokes and snacks accompanied...haiz...no more...i miss going out with the climbers...the usual climbers i mean...lepak pat tampines, pat townlah, pat esplanadelah..maner2lah...And not to forget...!!! AYIM MOK and the tampines geng!! Sheesha session....!!!! The babi gang..kiter lepak main game babi, kacau motor afiq, gy sheesha...gy KARAOKE....Seriously, mas...aku feel imcomplete...kepala otak lah...giler arh nie mcm...i really miss hang out with them...My heart sank down wen i browse back the pictures of the good times we had and i actually still can remember every single thing we do together guys...Guysss...i really miss you guys...you guys know who u are...i dun have to mention names...hopefully one day i shall call up for gathering buka puase k?DAMN!! dahlah sudahlah...buat aku sedih jer...i tears so much...now i hold my tears in me...only me and me knows..




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